well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
