Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
