I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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