so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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