OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
