My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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