Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize