do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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