does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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