There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize