Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
