You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
