census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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