and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
