I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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