wake up i wanna do it froggy style
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
