I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
