I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
