Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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