I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
