I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
