I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
