oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
