Don't make out with my wife yet
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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