i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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