I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
