Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
