So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
you never un-have a 4some
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize