Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
