Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
