Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
