Only a mothe r could love this liver
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
