I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
