My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
