K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
