Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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