I swear god or herbie drove my car home
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
