My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
