I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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