You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
