Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I can text with my tongue
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize