i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
