drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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