WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
