between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Come on in and take your pants off
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