There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
