I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
