There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
