dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
