the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
