i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You are the jesus of drinking
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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