dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
