Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize