dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
