I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
