so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
