she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
