Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
