The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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