GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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