Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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